


Jealous.

by tobinspress



Series: 4 for you 1 for me [1]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 15:28:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21163901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobinspress/pseuds/tobinspress
Summary: This is an unrelated one shot series of " 4 times vs 1 times"





	Jealous.

**Author's Note:**

> 4 times Tobin got jealous and 1 time Christen did. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this! I'll be using the 4 times vs 1 times prompts I got to add to this:)
> 
> Let me know what you think!:)
> 
> (Shoutout to "preathfan" on here for this prompt)

**4 times Tobin gets jealous and one time christen does.**

**One.**

The first time it happens—well, 

Tobin doesn’t really have a right to be jealous.

They aren’t together. They aren’t—anything  _ yet. _

But if that were true, then why is Tobin’s blood boiling as she watches some guy slide up behind Christen at whatever bar the team has landed at on Bourbon Street, with a hand low on her waist that she doesn’t push away. 

Why does her jaw clench as she watches Christen laugh at something the guy says before he’s pulling her out onto the floor to dance? 

Why does she feel sick to her stomach when the guy spins Christen around so that her back is against his front and she’s grinding back to the beat of whatever stupid song is playing too loud over the speakers. 

Tobin’s whole body is hot and she feels like if she doesn’t get out of here soon she’ll surely throw-up. 

  
  


They’re not even together, but Tobin—

  
Tobin wants them to be. 

  
  


She thinks Christen does too but she knows—knows that Christen has been waiting for Tobin to make the move because she was the one who had a girlfriend. She was the one who just got out of a relationship, so it was up to her—up to Tobin to make a move if she really wanted something to happen between them. 

_ And god did she ever. _

Things had been building between them for a while—there was a moment… a moment during qualifiers in 2014 when they nearly kissed at camp. They didn’t talk about it, but then Christen broke up with Vero and she thought—she hoped that Tobin would break up with Shirley and that they would talk about it. 

But she didn’t. 

So  _ they _ didn’t. 

The last camp before they left for Canada brought a lot of emotions—Tobin had finally broken up with Shirley, but it was Christen’s first World Cup and she didn’t want to get in the way of that, so she pushed her feelings aside and she was Christen’s friend. 

The problem with that was that being Christen’s friend made things harder. They got closer and they talked more—they talked  _ a lot _ . They really got to know each other and that scared Tobin. Because now—now if they admitted their feelings there was something there to lose. If they dated and then broke up then she would lose the woman who had become her best friend in the blink of an eye.

They would text every single day  _ like friends do. _

They would call each other after bad games and good games and they’d cry and laugh and get angry about a goal they should have had— _ like friends do. _

They were  _ always  _ together any chance they had— _ like best friends are.  _

They stayed at each other’s apartments whenever they could, spending an extra night and flying home the day after the rest of their respective teams whenever it worked out—they would cuddle and watch movies and fall asleep in each others arms…  _ like friends do? _

They kept being  _ friends _ —because if they were friends then there was nothing to lose. 

Except now Tobin thinks that she’s waited too long and that Christen got tired of waiting and now she’s holding back tears watching the woman she loves dance on some random guy at this stupid club and she hates herself for letting this happen—for letting it get this far.

She’s never been a jealous person—never really cared if someone didn’t show interest. But with Christen… with Christen she feels— _ possessive. _ She wants her to be hers and no one else's. She wants to be the one dancing with Christen, wrapping her arms around her slim waist and pulling her close—kissing the back of her neck—running her hands through those damned curls...

_ Fuck. _

She can’t watch this anymore, and apparently, neither can a drunk Megan Rapinoe who has leaned herself up against Tobin’s body. 

“Toby-Tobs—Tobito, T-Dog— look... look buddy…  _ you _ are awesome, and I say this with the upmost lesbian respect for you, get your lanky ass out on that dance floor and get your  _ woman _ .  _ Go. Get. Her. _ ” Megan accentuated each word with a hard poke to Tobin’s chest.

_ Go get her. Sounds simple enough? _

She’s about to get up and walk out there whe Christen’s eyes open and they meet hers from across the room. Tobin’s usually soft brown eyes are dark and sad and Christen’s own eyes widen at the sight. She looks at Tobin through hooded eyes in almost a challenging way, begging her wordlessly to do something. 

So she does. 

Tobin starts walking purposefully towards Christen—when she gets there she grabs Christen’s hand, pulls her gently away from the guy who looks like he’s about to protest until he sees the look in Tobin’s eyes and decides against it. 

“Come on.” Tobin speaks lowly, turning and pulling Christen towards the exit.

She drops her hand when they get to the exit because she knows that neither one of them want to deal with photos being posted all over the internet.

Christen shivers as soon as the crisp night time air surrounds her and it’s only a couple of seconds before Tobin is resting her leather jacket over the younger woman’s shoulders wordlessly. 

Before they manage to escape they are intercepted by a few teammates who are trying to decide what bar to go to next. Christen is leaning against the wall, engaging in conversation with Ali—attempting to get the other woman to move on to someone else, and Tobin—Tobin is a few few away just watching her. 

Watching the animated way her hands move in conjunction with whatever she is saying. Even when she’s not entirely engaged in the conversation she’s still so passionate about what she says. 

Watching the way she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth when she notices Tobin’s hovering. 

Watches the way the Christen’s eyes rake up and down her body one time—slowly, before her green eyes meet Tobin’s again. 

Watches the way she leans over and whispers something in Ali’s ear before pulling her into a quick hug and taking the few steps towards Tobin, motioning with her head for her to follow her.

They just walk in silence—with Christen a step in front and Tobin still hovering behind.

She can still feel the jealousy coursing through her—still has the image of Christen grinding against that stupid guy burned into her mind. 

Before Tobin knows it they are back at the team’s hotel and she’s following Christen through the lobby and into an elevator. 

As the doors shut around them, Christen takes a step into Tobin, effectively trapping her body between herself and the elevator wall. 

She’s wearing heels, making her even taller than usual and Tobin has to look up slightly to meet her eyes and then— 

And then Christen’s biting her damned lip again as she watches the effect she’s having play out on Tobin’s face. 

Before long the elevator stops and Tobin realizes they are on Christen’s floor. She lets herself be pulled down the hallways by Christen whose hips are swaying—making the light fabric of her short skirt bunce dangerously high on her long legs.

As soon as they are alone in the room Christen pulls off her heels and then she’s pulling Tobin into the middle of the room and turning her back to her so that she can press her body against Tobin’s front.

And  _ oh. _

Suddenly she can hear the music from the club pounding in her ears again, but this time she loves it, loves the way Christen’s body is in sync with the sounds that aren’t really there.

Tobin is acutely aware of every point of contact. 

She can feel the way Christen’s ass is pressed firmly against her pelvis. 

Can feel the way one of Christen’s arms swings back and wraps around Tobin’s neck, loosely hanging there while her other arms finds Tobin’s and pulls it around to her stomach, placing her hand flat against the exposed skin on her stomach. 

Can feel Christen’s abs tense under the touch of her fingers, gently raking down the smooth skin. 

Can feel Christen’s head tip back the slightest bit more so she can speak in a low voice, “I was thinking about you all night—you’re the one I wanted to dance with out there.”

“You did that on purpose.” Tobin says more like a statement and less like a question. “You wanted me to be jealous.” 

“I wanted to see if you would be.”

“It worked.” Tobin rasps out before she’s spinning Christen around and lifting her from behind her thighs—taking two steps and holding her up against the wall. Christen’s eyes are nearly pitch black and Tobin can’t help but drag this out even if all she wants is to kiss Christen senseless right now. 

“Did it make you feel good? Seeing how jealous I got watching you dance on that guy? Were you just thinking about how much better it would feel if it were me?” 

“Tobin…” She whispers in this low raspy voice hits low and hard in Tobin’s stomach and it makes her head spin—the way her name sounds falling from Christen’s lips. 

Christen’s hips rock into her stomach and Tobin’s legs go weak and she feels heat spiking low inside her. 

She feels like if she speaks again— she tries to say so much as one more word that her voice will betray her. 

She also thinks that there is really no point in hiding it because she knows that Christen knows. 

She knows christen saw the fire in her eyes the second she walked over to her tonight. Knows that everything she had just been saying let Christen know exactly how much she wanted this. 

Tobin moans when Christen rocks back into her slower than the other times, making their connection skin tight with each motion and Tobin knows she’s showing off—that’s she’s trying to get a reaction out of her. Trying to get her to give in and kiss her. 

Tobin leans in and Christen’s eyes flutter shut because she thinks that Tobin is giving in but then she redirects her lips at the last second and Christen’s head tilts back when Tobin’s lips find the skin of her neck. It’s slow at first— just a gentle kiss that contrasts every other intense and hot point of contact between them. 

Her plush lips burn into the skin on Christen’s neck just from the single peck and Tobin can feel it—can feel the shock waves radiating through Christen’s body and it helps her. 

She’s feeling more confidence as she bites at the skin right below Christen’s sharp jaw, dragging her teeth along the caramel skin before bringing her lips up to whisper in her ear. 

“You look so fucking good tonight—” Her fingers tighten their grip on Christen’s skin and the other woman is about to reply when Tobin continues. 

“I was so jealous—I hated seeing that guy touch you… it killed me to think about you being with someone else—someone who isn’t me.” 

“Then don’t.” Christen responds breathlessly. “Be with me.”

_ God. _

Tobin wishes she could be stronger, keep her cool for longer, but she’s so far gone and Christen already knows—knows how jealous she was so there’s no point in holding back anymore. 

“You’re mine...” 

  
  


**Two.**

Tobin has seen Christen naked many times. It’s only been about four months since they officially got together, but thanks to their timing, the first four months were also four months of offseason which meant they got to spend  _ a lot _ of time together. 

She loves knowing that she’s the only one who gets to see Christen like that—gets to admire her both from a far and from up close—gets to touch her an memorize every inch of her skin. 

She loves that—

But the thought of the whole world seeing Christen naked? Tobin doesn’t like that very much. 

Christen had asked her, of course—although she thinks it’s slightly unfair that she brought it up when they were naked together in bed, after Tobin had lost track of how many times Christen made her come that night. 

…

_ “T can I talk to you about something?”  _

_ “Of course, what’s up babe?”  _

_ “So—say that ESPN asked me to do the body issue shoot this year...how would you feel about that?”  _

_ “Wait like—the naked one?” _

_ “That’s the one… and please be honest, I want to know how you truly feel because your opinion matters to me.” _

_ Tobin wanted to say no, she does _ — _ but she loves Christen so she knows she has to be fair and give her a genuine answer.  _

_ “Um—I uh, I guess I would feel… a little jealous? Just because I selfishly want to be the only one that gets to see you naked… but at the same time if that is something you want to do I would never ever try and convince you not to… can I ask you something though?” _

_ Christen nodded, moving closer to Tobin on the couch and leaning into her side.  _

_ “Please don’t take this the wrong way because it’s not any kind of judgement or negative thing but _ — _ that just doesn’t seem like something you would do… you know what I mean?” _

_ “No no I get it I really do, and you’re right… To be honest, when they first asked me my original thought was absolutely not…. But then I thought about it a bit and talked to Ali about her experience doing it and honestly now I’m kind of thinking that I might want to… I’ve always been so critical of my body and self conscious because I don’t look like a lot of other athletes… but I feel like sharing that and showing young girls that you don’t have to look a certain way to follow your dreams is so important… because it’s something that I would have appreciated when I was growing up and feeling insecure about being so small and not muscular in the same ways that my teammates were and are…”  _

_ “Chris?”  _

_ “Hm?” _

_ “Two things _ — _ first, you are so fucking beautiful, I love every single thing about you and your body and I love you so damn much. Second, can I come with you to the shoot?”  _

_ “Yes! Yes please of course you can, I will feel so much better with you there.” _

_ … _

The thing was that—talking about going to Christen’s naked photo shoot, and actually  _ being _ at Christen’s naked photoshoot are two different things entirely. And Tobin was in no way prepared for the amount of people that were currently standing around her nude girlfriend, doing her hair, and putting makeup— _ everywhere.  _

She’s tries… she  _ really _ tries not to get jealous. They are all paid employees and they are all professionals and this is their job… they see people naked all the time. But they don’t see  _ Christen  _ all the time, and Tobin is struggling to hold in her jealousy as one man in particular is rubbing her the wrong way with how he’s just standing a few feet away—watching. She doesn’t know what his job is, and although the rational side of her is sure that it’s something, the irrational part of her can’t help but focus on the way his eyes haven’t left Christen’s body for the last five-minutes straight. 

Tobin thinks it’s worse that the man is young and fairly attractive—would almost rather that he was older and not someone that Christen would ever bat an eye at if she were single. 

That’s another part of her irrational jealousy. She doesn’t care that Christen is bisexual, she’s always known that and it doesn’t bother he because they are together and that’s all that matters. She does care though, that men never know that Christen likes women, they don’t know that she is dating a woman—they don’t know that she is dating  _ Tobin. _ And that’s the problem with them not being public, she can’t just glare at anyone who bats an eye in Christen’s direction and inform them that they are together. This is private shoot though, and everyone here signs confidentiality agreements before being allowed on set—so Tobin thinks if there was ever a time to assert herself, it was now. 

She slowly approaches the man who still hasn’t taken his eyes off Christen—she’s not sure what she is going to say exactly. 

_ Maybe “hey, get your eyes off my fucking girlfriend?” That would probably do the trick.  _

“Sup man.” 

_ I guess that works too. _

Tobin tries her best to act chill as she gives the guy a once over now that he’s finally turned his head away from Christen.

“Hey- Tobin right?” The guy asks and Tobin really wishes that his smile wasn’t so charming. 

“Uh yeah- that’s me.” 

Something that looks like a smirk finds its way onto his face before he responds again. “Can I ask you something? You friends with Ashlyn Harris?” 

_ What? That’s so random... _

“Um- yeah, friends since college, why?” 

“You two are quite similar—mostly in the way that you two want to beat me up for staring at your naked girlfriends.” 

Tobin’s eyes go wide as the man laughs amusedly. 

“I’m Travis, lead photographer for most of the body shoots. And also a raging homosexual myself. So I promise you, as much as I think Christen is absolutely gorgeous, she is not my type.” Travis sticks out his hand which Tobin takes sheepishly, embarrassed at having been called out. 

“I’m sorry man—I didn’t mean to like, corner you. I mean I did, but—you know…” 

“It’s all good, really, I get it. I know this is a lot to take in for everyone involved, but I promise my team here is very professional and you don’t have to worry about anyone making a move on your girl—especially me. I’m just daydreaming about how great these photos are going to be in a totally non sexual way… good work by the way, I mean it’s not shocking because you’re quite the looker yourself, but you did good with her.” Travis winks and Tobin finally mellows out enough to trust him. 

“Yeah I’m really lucky—she’s way out of my league.” 

“Well she doesn’t think so—she hasn’t stopped talking about you since the second we got to work, I think it’s her way of feeling comfortable around us—talking about the person who sees her like this all the time.” 

  
  


Tobin calms down with this new information—and she’s calm for about thirty minutes until they are in the middle of a shoot and a half naked woman puts her hands on Christen’s ass to get her hips in exactly the right spot and then— _ Tobin’s not so calm anymore.  _

Getting jealous over Christen is a common occurrence for Tobin, it didn’t take her long at all to realize that what she felt for her was incomparable to anything she’s ever felt before. She knows what it means—knows how serious this relationship is to her—knows that Christen is the only person she wants—and that makes her feel really possessive over Christen.

Tobin’s trying to get out of her own head when she hears her name being called. She looks up and her breath caught in her throat when she sees Christen striding quickly towards her, pulling a white robe over her shoulders but not fully putting it on—she’s just clasping the two sides between her hands to hold it shut. Her hair is bouncing around in its natural curls and the sun is starting to set and she’s  _ glowing. _ Like she’s  _ really _ glowing and in that moment nothing else matters to Tobin except the fact that Christen is hers. 

“Hey you.” Christen smiles flirtatiously. Sitting down next to Tobin and kissing her soundly on the cheek—fully taking advantage of the many contracts signed by everyone on set that made them comfortable being here together as a couple.

“So how do I look out there?” Christen asks with a wink, taking Tobin’s hand in her own. 

Tobin debates making a joke but Christen’s looking at her with her big green eyes as she’s so fucking beautiful that she can’t not tell her. 

“Beautiful… incredible, gorgeous, breathtaking, perfect, mesmerizing, angelic, unreal, sexy, insanely fucking hot—shall I continue?” 

“Tobs—“ Christen bows her head into Tobin’s shoulder, blushing lightly at the compliments. 

“Seriously Chris—I can’t believe you’re mine— that I’m the person who gets to be here with you, see you like this all the time.”

“Only you baby.” 

Tobin bites her lip, running her fingers along Christen’s smooth forearm. “God I can’t wait for this to be done.” 

“Why’s that?”

“Because there are a lot of things I want to do to you right now that might be frowned upon in public.” 

Christen’s breath caught in her throat and she hides her face further in Tobin’s neck to cover her blush. 

“Tobin…” she mumbles breathlessly, her lips brushing against Tobin’s skin in the process. 

“Watching all these people look at you and touch you is driving me crazy—I want you so bad right now—want to show you that you’re mine.”

  
  


Christen hasn’t admitted it before—but she really loves this possessive side of Tobin. If you can call it a side—it’s almost always there. She loves the way she’ll always try and be in contact in even the simplest of ways. Loves the way she’ll catch Tobin staring from across any room they find themselves in—whether alone or with others. She  _ really  _ loves the way Tobin calls here “mine”. She loves it because she knows it’s not in an objectifying way—knows that she doesn’t think of Christen as a possession that she owns, but as a person that she loves and wants so deeply.

“Travis told me you were jealous.” Christen whispers teasingly, biting on her bottom lip to get a reaction out of Tobin. “Told me you looked like you wanted to beat him up for staring at me.” 

“I wasn’t jealous— I just…”

Christen smirks, raising her eyebrows at Tobin who sulks in return.

“Okay I was jealous—you try watching your naked girlfriend be gawked at by strangers all day long…It’s both infuriating and also insanely hot because all I can think about is the fact that I’m the one that gets to take you home after this is over.” 

“Damn right you are—and don’t forget about the jacuzzi tub in our big-ass hotel room here.” Chris whispered with a glimmer in her eye that made Tobin’s jaw clench. 

_ Yeah.  _ Tobin thought to herself.  _ It’s worth it to be a little jealous sometimes when she has someone like this to go home with. _

  
  
  


**Three:**

  
  


It’s stupid, Tobin knows that they are just friends—knows that Olivia has a girlfriend of her own, and know’s that even if she didn’t there was no reason to be jealous because Christen was hers and she knew how much she loved her. 

But she can’t help it. Can’t help that her heart aches as she stares too long at the photo Christen posted on her instagram story of Olivia standing behind her—arms around Christen’s waist. Can’t help the fact that Christen being in a bathing suit and having another woman pressed up against her is making her skin crawl and her chest feel tight. 

She can’t help but be jealous because Christen is hers and she’s never been more possessive over something— _ someone _ , in her life. 

It doesn’t help that she misses her, that she’s been missing her for a month now. 

It’s not that they haven’t spent more time than that apart before—no, it’s about the fact that they are on different continents. It’s the fact that Tobin can’t just fly to her at the drop of a hat because she misses her. 

So  _ yeah _ . She’s jealous of the way that Olivia gets to hug Christen—gets to touch Christen and be close to her and see her smile up close and in person. She can’t fucking stand it. 

So much so that when Christen texts her a photo—eyes bright and smiling wide as she leans on the edge of the pool, Tobin’s cross necklace on perfect and clear display—she doesn’t respond. Doesn’t tell her how fucking beautiful she looks—she really truly does, she looks so happy and Tobin’s heart clenches because she’s so fucking in love with this girl and she’s being unfair to her by not responding but she just  _ can’t. _ And she hates herself for it. She stares at the necklace a little longer—that alone should make Tobin feel better, the fact that Christen is wearing  _ that _ necklace. 

…

_ “Tobin no _ — _ no, I can’t take this… it’s so special to you, you never take it off…”  _

_ “That’s why I want you to take it. I always wear it which means it’s always with me _ — _ so if you have it then that will mean you’re always with me.”  _

_ “God T _ — _ for someone who claims not to be good at words you sure know how to take my breath away. I love you so much.” _

_ Tobin unclasps the necklace that her grandparents gave to her on her thirteenth birthday, the necklace that she’s worn every single day unless she was forced to take it off for something.  _

_ She never saw herself doing this _ — _ never thought that she would ever meet someone who she’d feel comfortable letting wear something so special to her. Letting someone take it across the world with them.  _

_ But when Christen signed her contract in Sweden, Tobin knew she needed to do something like this _ — _ give her something as a reminder until she came back.  _

_ She motions for Christen to spin around, pulling her curls up off her neck so that she can clasp the simple cross necklace securely.  _

_ Tobin leans in and kisses overtop the clasp, lips pressing into the smooth skin on the base of Christen’s neck and lingering for a moment. _

_ “‘M gonna miss you so much Chris…” she mumbles in her skin, tears starting to form in her big brown eyes, wrapping her arms securely around Christen’s front and pulling her body as tightly against her own as she possibly can.  _

_ “But you’ll always be with me now…” one of her hands comes up and she traces the tiny cross over and over, pressing it so lightly into Christen’s skin.  _

_ “Take care of her for me.” She whispers, and Christen knows she isn’t talking to her—knows she’s speaking to God, asking him to watch over her while they’re apart.  _

_ “I fucking love you.” Christen speaks hurriedly, turning in Tobin’s arms and kissing her deeply. Kissing promises into her lips—kissing her hard because she knows soon she’ll be begging to have Tobin’s lips on hers when they’re on opposite ends of the world.  _

  
  


…

She doesn’t respond because she’s ashamed that after nearly 3 years she still reacts so irrationally out of jealousy. Tobin turns off her phone and she takes a soccer ball, grabs her keys to Providence Park that no one but the security team knows she has. It’s one in the morning—ten am in Sweden and Christen will just think that Tobin fell asleep, even if it’s the first times since she left that Tobin didn’t text her goodnight. 

She spends three hours hitting the ball as hard as she can into the back of the net—over and over and over again until her feet started to ache. Tears were falling down her face for at least an hour and her throat is burning.

She’s knows—knows she shouldn’t be jealous but she is because she can’t help it when it comes to Christen. It’s a bit of a problem sometimes and she’s trying to be better because she knows realistically that she has nothing to worry about. 

But this time Christen isn’t here to reassure her and help her calm down, not there to kiss her and tell her she loves her.

_ She shouldn’t have to be.  _ Is what Christen would say. She’d tell Tobin how much she loves her and that it’s okay to feel a bit of jealousy sometimes but it’s not okay to ignore her because she’s being irrational. It’s not okay to be so jealous of a harmless picture with a friend.

Tobin knows all of this—doesn’t have to be told that what she’s feeling isn’t called for. 

But that doesn’t make it go away—doesn’t make the red hot jealousy subside because it’s just the effect that Christen has on her. 

She doesn’t know when she gets home, doesn’t check the time or turn on her phone. She just gets into bed and falls into an uncomfortable sleep because all she wants is Christen there—body wrapped around her own, holding her and telling her that she loves her and that it’s okay. 

Because even though Tobin knows that she loves her—even though they’ve loved each other for almost three years, Tobin is still really insecure about their relationship sometimes. She’s always thought that Christen was too good for her—

Always thought that Christen could have anyone in the world that she wanted so why pick Tobin? Tobin who’s not good at expressing her feelings in words and Tobin who can be extremely forgetful because she’s not the most organized, Tobin who gets so irrationally jealous that it takes over her whole body. She gets jealous because she’s insecure, but Christen doesn’t know that. Christen just thinks it’s Tobin being possessive—which it is, in part. But of all the times they’ve talked about this, Tobin has never once admitted it. Never been able to look Christen in the eyes and tell her that she’s insecure in their relationship because she thinks Christen could do better. 

  
  


Chris:  _ good morning love, you must have dozed off last night, I miss you<3 just heading to dinner with the team, I can’t wait to hear from you<3  _

That text and the three that follow go unanswered. 

Chris:  everything okay T? I thought you had training at noon, thought I’d hear from you by now:( 

Chris:  Tobin I’m starting to worry, you always text me as soon as you wake up, where are you?

Chris: Tobin what is going on, I called Lindsey and she said you skipped training and told Mark you were sick?

4 missed calls: Chris

It’s four o’clock when Tobin turns her phone back on—she feels like absolute shit, both from laying in bed all day and the fact that she’s ignored Christen. 

Her heart hurts as it really hits her what she’s done. 

_ I’m a fucking idiot.  _

It’s one in the morning in Sweden but Tobin knows that Christen’s awake because she knows her girlfriend, knows that she’s up worrying about what  _ she _ did to make Tobin ignore her. 

The phone barely makes it through the first ring before Christen’s pained voice speaks through the line. 

“Where the hell have you been?” She’s asks and her voice cracks—it’s easy to tell that she’s been crying and Tobin hates herself for being the reason, hates that she gets so fucking jealous that she’ll hurt the woman she loves. 

“Chris… baby I’m so sorry-” Tobin’s voice cracks and she doesn’t even know what to say. 

_ I’m sorry I'm a fucking idiot? _

_ I don’t deserve you? _

“I don’t care Tobin just tell me where you were? Why haven’t you answered any of my texts or calls, why wasn’t your location working on your phone and why weren’t you at training?”

“I—I’ve been at home… my phone was off and that’s why my location wasn’t working…”

“That only answered two of my questions Tobin.” Christen’s voice is harsh but sad and Tobin doesn’t know what to do when she’s like this and not there with her in person. Tobin comforts Christen with her actions, by holding her and kissing her and making her feel loved physically. But when they are apart, and then only thing Tobin has is her words she doesn’t know what to do. 

“I—I was… It’s just that—” 

“Oh for god’s sake Tobin, what is it? Use your words! It shouldn’t be that hard for you to tell your girlfriend why you ignored her all day and night!” 

“I was jealous!” Tobin cries and the words scratch at her throat as they leave. 

“Jealous? Tobin what the hell did you have to be jealous for?” 

“The photo you posted with Olivia… it made me jealous…” 

There is silence on the other end and Tobin knows that Christen is going to blow up—she knows that what she just said sounds absolutely ridiculous—knows that Christen is trying to understand in what world that made you think ignoring her was the way to go. 

“Tobin…” Her she breathes out through her teeth and Tobin can tell that she’s pinching the bridge of her nose, trying not to lose it completely.

“Tobin I don’t even know what to say right now. I—I’m so fucking pissed. You seriously ignored me for an entire day, skipped training with your fucking team because I posted a photo with my friend—my bestfriend here might I add, the person who I cry to when I’m missing you so much that it feels like I can’t play.”

“Chris—”

“No!” Christen cuts in, voice cracking as she tries to hold herself together. “Let me finish. Tobin, I don’t even know where to begin with this—seriously. I just don’t understand what you were thinking. First of all, you  _ know _ Olivia—you know we’ve been friends for years and you  _ know _ that she has a fucking girlfriend as if that makes a fucking difference because in case you’ve forgotten,  _ I _ do too!” 

“I know I—I didn’t forget baby I just—” Tobin voice is so small and for a moment Christen almost gives in because she can’t fucking stand to hear the woman she loves so broken, but she can’t—she can’t just give in because Tobin hurt her first. 

“Tobin. I need you to tell me what this is about. What part of me posting a photo with Olivia made you jealous? We’ve talked about this so many times. You know it’s okay to feel a bit of jealously sometimes when it’s warranted—when stupid guys can’t take a hint and I understand it then and I would never get upset at that—not anymore because we’ve talked about it. But this? What part of this possibly made you not only jealous, but so fucking jealous that you wouldn’t speak to me?” 

Tobin doesn’t want to say it—can’t admit that she feels inadequate, that she feels like she isn’t enough for Christen and that she could do so much better. 

“I—I can’t explain it Chris I just…” 

_ You’re losing her.  _

“Tobin please… for the love of god I need you to talk to me. I need you to use your words and explain to me what this is because there is no excuse for this. There is a reason you are so upset and you need to tell me what it is. I’m not always going to be there with you in person Tobin. I’m not always going to be there to look into your eyes and feel the things that you don’t know how to say. You’re not always just going to be able to kiss me and make me forget about what’s happening. You have to talk to me Tobin. Please…” 

“I just don’t want to lose you… I don’t want you to go—”

“Tobin I’m not going anywhere but you’re pushing me away!”

“Because I’m fucking scared!” 

_ There it is.  _

Christen flinched at the sudden rise in volume. 

“Tobin… what are you scared of?” 

“I get jealous because I’m scared. I’m scared because you’re too good for me and everyday I’m just waiting for you to realize that! I’m scared because you deserve so much more than I can give you and I don’t even know how I got you in the first place but it’s never made sense to me. You’re so perfect and you’re literally everything anyone could ever want and I’m just— _ me.  _ So I get jealous of everything and everyone because all I can think about when I see you with someone else is that maybe they’d be better for you—could treat you better—could talk to you and tell you how they feel. God you could have any body you wanted but you’re with me and I just don’t get it because I’m nothing special! I’m not enough! Every time I’ve ever gotten jealous of someone is because I’m insecure! I feel inadequate for you and I don’t feel like I could ever give you what you deserve.” 

  
  


_ Well _ — _ she did say to talk. _

  
  


It was four in the morning in Sweden before the crying stopped. Before Christen stopped blaming herself for making Tobin feel like she wasn’t enough. Before Tobin was able to convince Christen that it wasn’t anything she did—that it was all in Tobin’s own head, that she’d been insecure about this before they were even dating. 

Tobin had no fucking idea how well she loves Christen and that breaks her heart. She’ll perform grand gestures and she’ll dote on Christen’s every need and desire but she doesn’t know that it’s in the way she looks at her. The way she watches her no matter where they are or what their doing. It’s in the way she’s always trying to be as close as she can—the way that even when they are in public and they aren’t  _ actually _ touching, that Tobin will place herself as close as she physically can without actually making contact. Every single ounce of love that Christen needs can be found in Tobin’s eyes and she wishes that Tobin could see that—wishes that she knew in her heart that there was absolutely no one in the world that could take Christen away from her. But she hopes that now it’s starting to become clear. 

It took over three hours to feel like the worst had passed and that they were moving forward from this—for them to get to where they were now; 

“Tobin I love you more than I’ve ever loved another person—there is no man or woman in this world that could give me what you do because I only want these things from you. I only want you to love me, only want to wake up with you and go to sleep with you, I only want to buy a home with you and have a family with you— _ you _ are it for me Tobin. I swear to God there is nothing else I need in this world if I have you.” 

  
  
  


_ Tobin believed her. Maybe it took three hours _ — _ or three years really, but she finally believed her.  _

  
  
  


**Four:**

Tobin isn’t entirely impressed when the news breaks that Utah’s newest signing is Vero. She’s also not thrilled that Christen didn’t tell her—that she found out on twitter and mumbled something about “ _ This is why I don’t go on social media.”  _

And of course—because she saw the Utah’s tweet she also saw  _ those _ tweets. The tweets from insane fans talking about how Christen’s newest teammate was her ex-girlfriend. The tweets wondering how Tobin herself was going to feel about that. 

Well  _ newsflash _ —she  _ hates  _ it. 

“How come you didn’t tell me that you guys signed Vero?” 

“I didn’t think it was that important, we dated four and a half years ago T, and you and I have been together for almost 4.” 

“Exactly, so why wouldn’t you tell me? It’s not like it’s a problem—just kind of feels like you didn’t tell me  _ because _ she’s an ex.” 

“Tobin… I have never told you when my team signed a player—ever, and neither have you so don’t even try and say that this isn’t about her being my ex.” 

Tobin lets out a breath of frustration, her fists clenching at her sides. “Okay fine it’s about her being your ex but can you blame me? How would you feel if I was going to spending every day with Shirley?” 

“Tobin stop it, I obviously wouldn’t  _ love _ the idea of that but I also wouldn’t be getting mad at you because the organization you play for signed a player. And on top of that,  _ I  _ trust you so it wouldn’t be an issue.” 

“When did I say I didn’t trust you!? I’m just annoyed that I found out on the internet where all your crazy fans are talking about you playing with your ex, and how I feel about that and if you two are going to get back together.” 

“So you’re mad at me because a bunch of teenage girls are making shit up on the internet? Tobin seriously this is ridiculous. Yes, we dated, and then we broke up and now I’m dating you—have been dating you for nearly four years, and if after  _ four _ years together you can’t handle me playing on the same team as an ex then that is zero percent my problem and entirely something you need to work out on your own because you’re being crazy. This whole jealously thing is getting out of hand. It’s cute when it’s something small and harmless but your being crazy and it needs to stop. I love you. I am with you and you need to get over this.” Christen stands abruptly from her spot on the couch. Stalking over to the door of her Utah apartment and pulling on her coat. 

“Where are you going?” 

“I have the press conference in an hour, I’m going to meet some of the girls to grab a coffee before hand. Would you like a list of everyone that’s going to be there?” Christen rolled her eyes and didn’t wait for a response before she was out the door. 

“Fuck!” Tobin shouted, throwing her phone into the couch at the same time as Rachel opened the apartment door. 

“Bad time T?” She asked cautiously, hands up in surrender as Tobin turned quickly to the doorway, hoping to see Christen. 

She let out a breath when she was met by Rachel instead—and then she was met with a feeling of guilt. 

_ You just got mad at Christen because her ex who she hasn’t so much as mentioned in years got signed by her team but you don’t bat an eyelash that she is romm-mates with a gay teammate. God get your fucking shit together Heath.  _

“No, no, you're fine Rach—sorry for the glare, Christen just left and we had a— _ disagreement _ before she walked out. 

“Wanna talk about it?” 

Tobin sighed, rubbing her face over a few times with her hands before laughing sadly at herself. 

“I got mad at her for not warning me that you guys signed Vero…” 

“Ahh, right—well are you upset because you don’t trust her?” 

“I don’t recall signing up for a full counselling session.” Tobin teased, getting a playful shove from the scottish defender. 

“No, it’s not because I don’t trust her. It’s because I have a slight jealously issue when it comes to Chris…” 

“Yeah no shit. I remember last season Christen said you were pissed because the first person her and Sam thought to phone when they couldn’t figure out the barbecue was Naeher and not you.” 

“Oh fuck off—I already admitted it was a problem.” 

“Okay I’m sorry—is there anything in particular that bugs you about it or is it just overall the fact that they dated?” 

“I don’t know—I guess it’s just that she’s both the only other woman and the only other  _ long-term _ relationship Chris has been in… I don’t know, it’s stupid, I know I’m not being fair to her because I know rationally that she would never do anything and that she isn’t going to leave me for her… but when I get these feelings it’s impossible to listen to the rational part you know?” 

“I get it Tobin—I really do, my girl and I have been long distance for the entire two years we’ve been together and like you I sometimes have trouble rationalizing her relationships with other people. Anytime she interacts with someone I don’t know I panic a little and compare myself to them even if they turn out to be straight and married with a family.” 

“Wait you’ve got a girl? Why didn’t you tell me that last year when I was jealous about Christen living with you for the first two months.” Tobin teased. 

“Gotta keep you on your toes Heath.” 

“God Chris is right—I am crazy.” 

“Crazy in  _ looooooove _ , but for real, I’ll make myself sparse tonight so you can grovel for forgiveness when the queen comes home later.”

…

Not one to waste an opportunity, Tobin ordered dinner from Christen’s favourite Thai place and went out to pick up an excessively large bouquet of flowers, lighting candles around the apartment to add a little dramatic effect. 

Christen rolled her eyes with a smirk on lips when she opened the door to the scene. She didn’t want to say that she expected this but—she knew Tobin a little too well at this point. 

“Honey I’m homeeee.” She sang out, taking in the all too familiar smell of her favourite take-out in salt lake. 

Tobin came running out of the bedroom, straight to Christen and picking her up in a spinning hug dramatically. “Hi.” She whispered into Christen soft and rose smelling hair. 

“What’s all this?” 

“It’s me apologizing for being crazy… I’m really sorry I freaked Chris, I love you and you were right of course, I know I have no reason to be mad about Vero being here, I know it doesn’t mean anything to you.” 

“If it helps—Laura offered to deport her back to Spain.”

“Remind me to thank her for that, but did she really?” 

“Mhmm, she asked how you were and she’s Laura so I told her you weren’t too impressed with our new signing and after explaining to her she felt so bad she was all like “WHY did you not tell me? Is it going to be a problem? You were here first so you have more rights in my book.” And obviously she wouldn’t actually send her away but it was endearing none-the-less.” 

“God Laura is so far up your ass maybe she’s the one I should be worried about.” Tobin teased, still holding Christen up in her arms. 

“I love you… so much, I’m sorry I overreacted.” Tobin mumbled, kissing the skin on Christen’s neck where here face was buried into. 

“Mm… you’re such a suck-up and I love it. All I needed was a “sorry baby love you”. 

“I can send back the flowers and dinner if you want?” 

“Oh hell no.” Christen squirmed her way out of Tobin’s embrace, making her way over to the table where Tobin had laid out their food. 

“Where’s Rach?”

“She left for the night to give me time to “grovel for forgiveness”” Tobin raised her eyebrows suggestively.

“Someone sounds confident that they’ll be getting laid tonight? Do you think Thai food equals sex or something?” 

“History would suggest that in fact yes, when it comes to you—Thai food  _ does _ equal sex.”

Christen pursed her lips and tried not to smile—she knew Tobin was right. She also knew that she could never and would never turn Tobin down—especially when this was their last night together before she left back to Portland. 

“You’re lucky you’re hot or I’d make you work a lot harder for it.” 

…

“Fuck Tobin—oh my god.” Christen was currently propped up on the kitchen counter, legs spread—shorts and underwear discarded somewhere that doesn’t matter at the moment. Her hands were tangled in Tobin’s hair, trying to redirect her mouth down to where she desperately needed her. Tobin wasn’t having any of it though, running her fingers teasing along Christen’s inner thighs as she sucked one of her hardened nipples into her mouth. 

“God…” Christen throws her head back, tugging harder on Tobin’s hair as she bites down roughly. “T please… I need you to fuck me.” 

Christen feels Tobin smirk when she rolls her tongue over her nipple, loving the reactions she’s getting—loving the way this makes her feel like Christen is all hers. 

Her breath is hot against Christen’s nipple when she speaks lowly; “Tell me how bad you want it Chris.” 

_ Two can play at this game. _

“What do you want me to tell you?” Christen breathes out harshly, moving her hands to cup Tobin’s jaw and dragging her up so that they are face to face and can see the desire in each other’s eyes. “Do you want me to tell you that no one else has ever made me so wet? That I’m all yours and you’re the only one who gets to fuck me? The only one who will ever get to see me like this again? Want me to tell you that I think it’s really fucking hot how posessive you are? Want me to beg you to fuck me on the counter?” 

And well—that definitely did the trick. Because Christen knows Tobin like the back of her hand… 

She knows when Tobin needs her to be soft and sweet and tell her she loves her. 

Knows when she needs to feed into Tobin’s possessive nature.

Knows exactly when to push her luck and when to give in. 

Knows that when Tobin’s jealous she needs to feel in control—Christen will never complain about that...she’s only human after all, and Tobin? Tobin makes her feel things that she never knew existed. 

Tobin finally gave in—finally crouched down and spread Christen’s legs further apart, looking up at her through through her lashes and watching the effect play out on her girlfriends face as she licked through her folds slowly once—twice—three times before really giving her what she wanted. 

…

“Mm baby that was so good—god I love you.” Christen sighs, pulling Tobin up into a kiss and tasting herself on her girlfriend’s lips before Tobin lifts her off the counter and carries her to the bedroom. 

  
  


Because Tobin’s got this  _ thing. _

  
  


Christen remembers the first time she noticed. Remembers that after they had sex for the first time, in the hotel room on bourbon street—that Tobin becomes really clingy. It’s heightened when it’s sex like this—when it’s hot and needy and Tobin is feeling posessive. It happens after she makes Christen come hard and fast in moments like this—she won’t— _ can’t  _ let Christen go. She will stay, holding onto Christen for hours if she can. Like she’s afraid that if she let’s her hold up for even a second that the other woman will disappear. 

She’ll hold onto Christen with all she’s got, kissing her wherever she can, kissing I love you’s and you’re so beautiful’s and I’m so lucky’s into her skin. 

She’ll hold her and she’ll look at her with her big brown eyes and Christen’s heart will feel heavy in the best possible way because this woman loves her so much and she couldn’t ask for more love if she wanted to. 

She knows it’s in part due to the insecurities that Tobin is still working through—the ones that blew up when she was in Sweden. Knows that it’s partly because Tobin feels like she has something to prove sometimes. But she also knows it’s just because she loves Christen so deeply. Knows that this physical connection is so important to Tobin and that the longer they’ve been together to stronger and more important it’s become. 

Christen wouldn’t have it any other way. 

  
  


**One:**

  
  


Christen’s never been the jealous type—she’s obsessive about a lot of things, but this has never been one of them. And it’s not that she doesn’t feel jealousy—she does. It’s just that she’s better at hiding it than Tobin. She’ll glare waitresses or crazy fans who throw themselves at Tobin but she doesn’t act on it. She loves Tobin, and she has days where she feels more possessive over her than usual, but it’s not often that she feels like  _ this.  _

They are at their first official photo shoot for re—inc; Tobin’s currently posing in nothing but her white t-shirt and her white supreme boxers and well—she looks fucking  _ hot. _ And apparently Christen’s not the only one who thinks so because there is an intern shadowing the photographer whose eyes are wide and glued on Tobin—who keeps pulling her lip between her teeth every time Tobin so much as breathes. 

Yeah, Christen doesn’t like this girl very much. 

She’s no older than twenty by the looks of her and she’s wearing these tight pants and a crop top that looks two sizes too small and yeah—Christen  _ really _ doesn’t like her. 

In fact—she kind of hates her when she rushes over to help fix Tobin’s hair and gets a lot closer than she really needs to be. Hates the way she has her hand on Tobin’s arm when it really truly doesn’t need to be there. 

What she hates most though is that Tobin seems entirely oblivious to the whole thing—and that she’s laughing and smiling with this girl who could fill an ocean with her drool by the time she’s done “fixing Tobin’s hair” that Christen doesn’t think needs  _ fixing _ at all. 

“Earth to Pressi.”

Christen is snapped out of her haze when Megan waves both her arms in her face, taking her attention away from the scene.

“Huh?”

“I hate to interject but uh you look like you’re trying to tear that girls head off with your eyes.” 

Christen blushes and averts her gaze immediately. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“HA nice try honey, even if I was blind I can physically feel the jealousy radiating from your perfect skin right now. And I’m not blaming you, I’d feel the same way if that was Sue.” 

“Ugh—she’s just so…  _ obvious _ but Tobin isn’t even phased!”

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Okay?”

“I’ve actually told our little Toby this same thing before when she was in the midst of one of her jealous rages. So here’s the secret with jealousy—Tobin doesn’t notice this girl is making a fool of herself over her because she doesn’t  _ care. _ And she doesn’t care because she only has eyes for you. The same way that you don’t always understand why Tobin gets jealous. It’s because you two are so sickly in love with each other that you don’t notice when other people are throwing themselves at you. You don’t notice when you post a photo with a hot blonde Swede hugging you that it could look flirty because you only care about T just like she isn’t noticing that baby over there copping a feel because she only cares about your hands on her body—if ya know what I mean.”

Megan might be crazy—might say weird things and do weird things— _ a lot _ . But this—Christen doesn’t think she’s ever made more sense. 

“Meg that made so much sense and I really really need you to know that I take those words to heart when I say that I wish they made a difference right now but I’m still pissed and she needs to go.” 

Megan bursts into a fit of laughter and pats Christen’s back. She’s forced to calm down when the intern makes her way over to where her and Christen are standing, taking up a spot beside them and getting right back to admiring Tobin. 

Christen tries—she  _ really _ tries to take a few deep breaths and ease her mind but then, well—

“God she’s so hot—.”

_ Then that happened.  _

“OOP.” Megan covers her mouth and walks away before she can say anything else, leaving Christen who might as well have steam pouring from her ears alone with the girl. 

She can’t stop herself before she’s rolling her eyes and saying “she’s a little old for you don’t you think?” Through clenched teeth, not actually turning to face the girl.

Somehow her raging tone didn’t come across when the girl just giggles, twirling a piece of hair between her fingers. “It’s not  _ that _ bad, I’m 22–plus, I’m kind of into that.”

_ Breath Christen Breath Christen FUCKING BREATH CHRISTEN.  _

She turns away and quickly makes her way over to where Megan had moved to—although she’s fairly positive the girl didn’t even notice she left.

  
  


“What’s that look in your eye Pressi?”

“When they finish these shots I’m gonna take Tobin around the corner and makeout with her and then when it’s time to start up again you’re gonna send  _ her  _ to find us.”

“Christen—I say this with the utmost respect for you...You are evil and I love you, I’m in.” 

  
  


As soon as the camera stops flashing and Tobin starts making her way over to the rest of the group, Christen meets her halfway. 

  
  


“Come with me.” she whispers in Tobin’s ear, tugging at the front of her t-shirt before turning away and walking with a defined sway in her hips. 

Confused, but also intrigued—Tobin follows without question and the two end up in a vacant room adjacent to the set. 

It doesn’t take more than a few seconds for Tobin to catch on when she catches up to Christen and finds her girlfriend leaning back against the wall with a dark look in her eyes and her lip pulled between her teeth. 

“If this is what I think this is I am definitely not complaining.” Tobin smirks, walking up to Christen who in turn—pushed Tobin onto one of the many chairs scattered about the room. 

She takes a moment to thoroughly run her eyes over her girlfriends body before slowly straddling her legs and hooking her arms around Tobin’s neck. 

“Chris—

Tobin breathes out harshly, bringing her hands up to rest on her girlfriends hips. 

“You look so fucking hot—I’m so turned on right now.” Christen pairs her words with a rock of her hips, grinding into Tobin. 

“Fuck—“ Tobin swears and pulls Christen into a hard kiss, sucking on her bottom lip and using her hands to guide the constant motion of Christen’s hips rocking into her own. 

After a moment Christen tugs harshly on Tobin’s hair, tilting her head back to give herself adequate room to work on Tobin’s neck—hard, but not hard enough to leave any lasting marks  _ for now _ . 

“You’re mine.” Christen’s voice is strained and raspy as she speaks against Tobin’s ear and the other woman has never been more thankful to be sitting down because her legs surely would have given out by now. 

  
  


Tobin’s not sure where this is all coming from but she’s definitely not complaining. It’s not often Christen gets like this—at least, not in public. She’s far better at Tobin than controlling her  _ urges  _ until they’re in private.

But again—Tobin’s not complaining. 

She’s about to test her luck and dip her hand into Christen’s short black shorts when the door to their  _ private _ room swings open. 

“Hey you gu—oh my god!” The intern whose name Christen still hasn’t bothered to learn has her back turned to them, a noticeable blush running up the back of her neck. “We’re uh—they’re ready to start again… it’s your turn for solo shots Christen.” And then she’s gone, speed walking out the door and shutting it behind her. 

Tobin looks slightly embarrassed until she picks up on the teasing glint in Christen’s eye.

_ She did this on purpose. _

“Is there a reason you wanted that poor intern to walk in on us Chris?” Tobin asked, lifting Christen from her lap and standing up herself. 

“Poor intern my ass.” Christen rolled her eyes and smoothed out her shirt. “Have you really not noticed her throwing herself at you all day long?” 

“What? No I didn’t—” Tobin looked ashamed, feeling bad that Christen had gotten so worked up about this. 

“Tobs it’s okay—it’s not your fault and I’m not mad at you—I just needed her to know you were taken.” 

“Ever heard of “hey she’s my girlfriend?” Tobin teased, pulling her girl into a sweet hug. 

“Yeah well—this seemed like more fun.” 

“Well I’m not complaining—I like jealous Christen, she’s fun.”

“Are you saying regular Christen isn’t fun? Hm?”

“Not at all—in fact I love regular Christen, she is equally as sexy.” 

“Mm well I’m glad you think so, but if she puts her hand on you again she’s going to get slapped by both jealous Christen  _ and _ regular Christen.”

  
  


_Yeah, Tobin really likes jealous Christen. _


End file.
